So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
