someone threw a dead crab at me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
