U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i believe in u and ur pee
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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