Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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