what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
