i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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