she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
