I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize