According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
