you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
