I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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