Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize