I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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