I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
