oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
