thus making me awesome and them whores
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
