she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
