Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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