Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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