I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
