Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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