Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
