onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
