at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I supernannyed him into submission
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
