can we get nightvision for the apartment?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
