Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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