It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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