I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
