dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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