As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
