the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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