I'm pants shitting drunk right now
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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