these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize