8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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