Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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