mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
