i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
