Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
