grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
third nipple confirmed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
