i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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