drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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