like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
4 words: hood of his car
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
