If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
