And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
