I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
