12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
