i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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