6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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