you guys were way drunker than both of me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
