She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
