She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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