Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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