Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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