My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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