do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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