allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
