I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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