just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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