We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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