well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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