Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
