I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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