She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
