Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
