I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
