i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
