you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
