This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
