Someone shit on the floor
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
