this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
