Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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