i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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