the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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