he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
