I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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