what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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