i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
