I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
