I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
