Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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