hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
