the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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