I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
