You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
