One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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