I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The best revenge is premature balding
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
