Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
