I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
