Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
