i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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