so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there is glitter all over my balls
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