I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
