Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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