I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
