At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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