my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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